3 Why Consider My Demise?
Martin thought it strange that he had been thinking quite a bit lately about his demise. Nothing was physically or mentally wrong with him, as far as he knew. And no one close to him, indeed no one whom he knew, was terminally ill or had died recently. Martin instead had the weird sense that death, or perhaps it was life, was speaking to him. Something or someone was calling him, not to death but to think about death. And even more weirdly, Martin soon understood from his exploration of religious traditions. Martin wouldn’t have matured, wouldn’t have even truly lived, until he had defeated death through the one who brought him into the world to face it.
Consideration
Each day, indeed each hour and minute, we consider quite a few things. Thoughts race through our minds continually, about every conceivable subject. At times, we direct those thoughts to significant things, things that matter to us more than the random thoughts that fly through our heads. The more mentally disciplined of us will direct our thoughts consistently toward higher things that might well give us more clarity and produce more fruit in our life. One’s demise is certainly one of those higher things, when properly understood. Think again of the prior chapter’s philosophical insight that death authors being, consciousness, culture, and life. We may be most alive when most conscious of our most certain prospect of demise. The incarnate divine says to take up your cross daily and that the grain must die to bear fruit. See what riches might flow from considering your demise.
Stages
We go through a process or proceed through stages when considering our demise. Call them stages of grief, if you will, although they may differ in quality and order from the stages of grief associated with the passing of a beloved spouse or close family member. And surprisingly, the bits of grief we encounter when considering our demise have a different effect, not of horrible confusion and deepest pain, disappointment, or regret, as one might experience with the passing of a loved one, but instead of increasing clarity, resolve, and energy. When we consider our demise, we may go first from comprehending it and then on to contemplating it, planning for it, preparing for it, and caring for others who must deal with it. The following sections treat those stages in that order.
Comprehending
We consider our demise first to comprehend it. You may not remember the first moment you realized that you would someday pass on to the transcendent realm. It likely came when you were a relatively young child, perhaps when you saw a bug or bird die, or experienced the loss of a pet, one hopes not by having lost a grandparent, parent, or sibling. Parents may shelter their young children from a too-sudden and stark realization of another’s passing, particularly that of a relative, neighbor, or other relatively close acquaintance. We purposely use euphemisms for passing, to give the reader or hearer the option of treating the subject only cursorily rather than directly. Parents may do so with their children, allowing a child to gradually process the fact that the parent gently conveys. Demise is, as this guide has been revealing, a much more subtle and complex subject than a parent could quickly explain to a child. A slow and gentle education in death is best. That process of gradual comprehension, beginning with glimpses and glances deliberately held at arm’s length, may continue into and through adulthood. But comprehension is a first and necessary step.
Contemplating
We also consider our demise to contemplate it, not just to comprehend it. Comprehension simply acknowledges the fact, usually briefly. Comprehension may not change one’s outlook much, if at all. It likely doesn’t change the person. Contemplation, though, embraces the fact as worthy of thought. If you accept the philosopher’s premises, contemplating our demise allows it to suffuse our being with the life we have that our demise would deny us. Heidegger wrote that in death lies our being. That insight may suggest that we live more fully and maturely when more clearly reckoning with our death. Of course, the nature or quality of the contemplation matters. The point is not to clothe oneself in moroseness. To properly contemplate one’s demise is not to moan what’s the use when I’m going to die anyway. It is instead to let death do its work in bringing greater life. The proper use of death isn’t despair but determination. To share the Lord’s victory over death, you must face it. That’s a big reason why you should give thought to your demise.
Planning
We also consider our demise not merely to comprehend and contemplate it but also to plan for it. Planning for one’s death can again sound morbid, as much discussion around death might. But morbidity is, once again, absolutely not the point. Every proper plan for one’s own demise is instead an act of faith, hope, love, and life. A proper mindset toward one’s own demise is only the groundwork. Planning for one’s demise sows the necessary seeds in that groundwork. As the rest of this guide shows, planning for one’s demise can and often should include relational, health, housing, medical, financial, legal, legacy, and spiritual aspects. Some individuals choose to give neither thought nor plan to their demise. Those individuals, though, can unfortunately sow havoc and wreak chaos, both for themselves in their last days and for those who must help them through it and deal with the aftermath. By contrast, well-laid plans can provide a smooth runway for a sound takeoff and successful flight. If you’re responsible, accountable, and up to it, you can plan for your own demise in ways that make it more like the glorious journey it should be than a wild ride into an unknown night.
Preparing
We also consider our demise to prepare for it. Planning is all well and good as far as it goes. But preparation needs to follow plans. Plans need thoughtful execution with appropriate assessment and adjustment. Plans to provide for transitional housing, assistance, and healthcare are little good if not acted on timely and diligently. Plans to prepare a medical directive, will, and trust are no good at all if the documents never get prepared and executed. Many of us are good with plans but not so good at executing them. Planning a trip is one thing, while actually preparing for it is quite another thing. Well-planned trips don’t go well without equally diligent and effective preparation. Plan thoughtfully for your crossing over into the transcendent realm, but also prepare diligently.
Caring
We also consider our demise to care for others who must deal with it. Planning and preparing for one’s demise may at first glance look like an intensely selfish act. And indeed, doing so is intensely personal, a most inward-looking process. Yet planning and preparing for one’s demise is also a tremendously caring act. Those who deal regularly with others’ demise regularly see the vastly different impacts on the departed’s loved ones, between preparing and not preparing. Leaving one’s spouse to deal with the chaos and loss associated with an unprepared departure is not an act of kindness, caring, and love. If you won’t prepare for your own demise for your own benefit in your course of passing, for the assurance and confidence doing so brings, then do it for your loved ones so as not to leave them confused, vulnerable, harmed, and distraught. Caring for your loved ones and community may be your best reason to consider your own demise.
Maturation
We also consider our demise as a last and critical aspect of maturation. You’ve seen in the discussion above how facing your own demise not only cares for yourself and others but also brings energy, clarity, and purpose to your life. Being cognizant and even respectful of your own demise gives your character a seriousness, weight, or gravitas that you can achieve in no substitute way. You can pretend to be important, worthy, and to be taken seriously, based on what you know, own, or control. But that pretension can look and feel more like arrogance than significance. Instead, your significance issues inherently from your life, which as we’ve seen above your demise highlights, illustrates, and authors. You don’t fully acknowledge and embrace your inherent value as the image of your creator until you reckon with your demise. Facing your own demise forthrightly and with the confidence that is available to you through that very same creator is your last and great act of maturation.
Responsibility
Facing your own demise is also the deepest acceptance of responsibility. Few things are more beautiful and dear than the willingness to accept responsibility for who one is and what one does. Preparing properly for one’s own demise is the ultimate act of responsibility. Think of it: someone has to do it. Why not you? Why leave it to others when your demise involves your impact on those closest and dearest to you? Because illness, decline, and disability often precede demise, the tendency may be to leave things to others who are younger, stronger, and more capable. And doing so may be entirely necessary and appropriate. Adult children, in particular, can, should, and do often play critical roles helping an elderly parent through the final stages and moments of life before passing into the transcendent beyond. But each of us facing demise, which of course is all of us, also have roles in that process that only we can fulfill. Our demise involves our life, our medical care, our property, our relationships, and our legacy. Law and society give us control over those things as far as we are able. Managing those things inherently involves and requires our thought, planning, and action. Don’t shirk that ultimate responsibility.
Legacy
Facing your own demise is also the way you shape your legacy. Legacy means a lot of things. Your legacy is not just the property you bequeath and other care you show for your family members and charitable causes. Your legacy includes your life’s whole residue, even to the character, confidence, purpose, and faith that your children, grandchildren, and more-distant successors show as a consequence of your life and its many impacts. Caring for your legacy isn’t a selfish act when you have the right understanding of what legacy can mean and do. To give no thought to your legacy is to ignore the foundation you lay for your children, grandchildren, and further generations, and countless others whom you influence, when you should instead wish above all to offer them a stronger foundation. See the guide Help with Your Legacy. See also a later chapter on legacy in this guide. Consider your demise, in order to plan and promote your greatest possible legacy. Show that you care for others as much as you care for yourself.
Reflection
What stage of considering your own demise have you reached, from mere comprehension to deeper contemplation and beyond to planning and preparing? When, or related to what event, did you first come face to face with the reality of your own eventual demise? How did that realization affect you? What care did others show you with respect to that realization? How does that realization affect you today? Do you have a sound attitude toward your demise, from which you draw energy and purpose for your life? If not, what adjustments do you need to make, accompanied by what actions? What plans, if any, have you made related to your own demise? Are those plans still valid, or do you need to adjust them? Have you implemented the plans yet that require or recommend current implementation? If not, what event do you await? Are you placing yourself or your family at risk by delaying? What preparations have you made related to your own demise? Are those preparations sound and complete? Or do you need to finish some steps or make some adjustments? What other preparations should you make now?
Key Points
Considering your own demise brings several critical benefits.
Considering your own demise involves going through stages.
Move from comprehension to contemplation, planning, and preparing.
Comprehending your own demise involves being willing to face it.
Contemplating your own demise involves letting it inform your life.
Planning for your demise addresses a range of specific needs.
Preparing for your demise means implementing plans diligently.
Thorough consideration of your own demise shows care for loved ones.
Considering your own demise is a critical aspect of your maturation.
Preparing for your demise shows responsibility and accountability.
Preparing for your own demise also promotes your beneficial legacy.