The time had finally come after forty, nearly fifty, years of marriage. Carl had retired, joining his wife at home where they hoped to live out many more years of wedded bliss together without the burden or distraction of work. While some couples their age had grand plans for retirement, like ‘round-the-world tours or long cruises overseas, Carl and his wife only had the ambition to enjoy one another more often, regularly, and deeply than they had when raising their two children and completing a career that paid their debts and funded their retirement. Carl was confident that he and his wife would indeed enjoy one another, in whatever new marital routines they found. He only hoped that they would have some years in good health to establish and refine those new retirement routines.
Retirement
Long life is a blessing and privilege, certainly no guarantee. A long marriage is likewise a blessing and privilege, and no guarantee. With a long, married life comes the prospect for retirement years together. Retirement years are likewise a blessing and privilege, and no guarantee. Even if a married couple lives long together, they may not have the means or opportunity to retire. Grandchildren without able parents may demand their labors, to raise them as if they were the elderly couple’s own children. Or the elderly couple may simply need the earned income to maintain their marital household and provide for one another, whether due to prior financial reversals or later extraordinary expenses, including financially ruinous but medically necessary expenses. Retirement, if you and your spouse get there, is a special privilege, one to which spouses should look forward and for which they should plan, while not considering retirement a guarantee.
Definition
Retirement doesn’t look the same or even similar for every married couple. In general, retirement means the voluntary cessation of full-time work earning an income, having reasonably satisfied present and future financial needs. One or the other spouse may stop working, while the other continues, in which case the couple hasn’t retired, although one spouse has. The spouse no longer working will have new and relaxed routines, but the marital rhythms will still circulate around the schedule and energies the other spouse’s continuing work demands, as that spouse working full time meets the last few retirement funding requirements and interests. Only when both spouses voluntarily cease full-time employment, having met present and future financial needs, does the married couple enjoy their first opportunity to fully restructure their marital schedule and activities around one another rather than the employment of either or both spouses.
Disability
You might appreciate the definition and privilege of retirement better by understanding what retirement does not constitute. Retirement doesn’t, for instance, mean suffering a disability that ends the ability to earn a needed living. In that instance, the disability, not the attainment of financial retirement goals, will have stopped the work, although the disability may trigger public or private disability benefits that cover present financial needs and may cover future financial needs. Work disability can, in other words, look a little like forced retirement, except that the disability may affect the disabled spouse’s ability to enjoy retirement activities, and the available disability benefits may not fund retirement needs. Disability may also prevent a spouse from achieving other goals at or through work, such as qualifying for a pension, vesting stock options, gaining promotion, and obtaining service and other recognition. Retirement implies planning, preparation, completion, satisfaction, and victory. Disability imposes pretty much the opposite of each of those good things.
Planning
When a married couple considers, discusses, and plans for retirement, they may be able to make retirement earlier, longer, more likely, and more enjoyable. One of the great gifts that you can give your spouse, your marriage, and yourself is the gift of retirement, although the gift carries no guarantees. When spouses think about and discuss retirement earlier in their marriage, even as early as when still raising children, they may be able to make some decisions that increase the likelihood of retirement. Buying and remaining in a home that could also serve in retirement, while not being too large, expensive, difficult to maintain, or hard to get around, may save a few extra years in the workforce. So, too, may avoiding the purchase and maintenance costs of second homes, boats, motor homes, and other large items, and avoiding lavish trips and luxury items. Live within your means with an eye toward retirement, and you just might get there earlier, healthier, and more assuredly than you think.
Accounts
Perhaps the biggest step a married couple can take, relatively early in their marriage and throughout their marriage, to facilitate retirement is to open and consistently fund retirement accounts. Funding retirement when a married couple is still saving or paying for children’s education may seem impossible or foolhardy. But many employers offer tax-advantaged 401(k) or 403(b) retirement accounts, even making or matching contributions. In either case, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Seize the gift advantage. If you can also fund a tax-advantaged Roth IRA account outside of employment, all the better. Tax laws cap the annual contributions to reasonably small amounts, so taking full advantage of those limits may be within your reach even with other substantial obligations. Funding retirement tends to be the big inhibitor to retiring early. Lack of retirement funds or a shortfall in funds is a big promoter of retiring late or not at all. The earlier you start, the easier the funding is, and the earlier your retirement may be. Don’t just think of the kids or try keeping up with the Joneses. Respect and prioritize your marriage and spouse by funding retirement accounts and wisely managing retirement investments.
Fitness
Maintaining and improving your physical fitness is another way that you may give your spouse a better gift of retirement while making that gift last longer and be more likely. Retirement depends not simply on funding but also on longevity. The more retirement funds you have, the earlier you may retire. The longer you live, and the fitter you are later in life, the longer you may enjoy retirement. The fitter you are when younger, the longer your probable longevity. And the fitter you are in retirement, the better you can care for and enjoy your spouse, whether your spouse is also fit or not. You thus have several good reasons to work on your physical and mental fitness throughout your marriage and especially in the years leading up and into retirement. For good retirement years together, eat nutritious food, manage your weight, gain and retain strength, stretch, and exercise throughout your married life.
Health
Maintaining and improving your medical and mental health is another way that you may give your spouse a better, longer, and surer gift of retirement. You sometimes hear that if you can make it through your fifties without the onset of serious chronic diseases, and then make it through your sixties without the onset of serious acute diseases, you stand a good chance of living with decent health into your eighties. Whatever the formula may be, staying on top of your medical health with regular checkups and follow-up regimens may head off accelerating chronic diseases like heart, kidney, liver, and lung disease, and diabetes. Keeping on top of your medical health may also catch acute diseases like cancer early enough for effective treatment. And maintaining good mental health may ensure that you have the energy, vitality, and outlook to maintain good physical health habits and medical regimens. Good health is a foundation for a good marriage. Good health is a requirement for a good and long retirement.
Preparation
Preparing for retirement can also make retirement easier and more enjoyable. Planning is one thing, preparation another. Planning gets the funds and timetable in place. Preparation makes it happen. Some couples plan for retirement, but then the working spouse never quite gets around to it, not for lack of planning but for lack of preparation and execution. Depending on your type of employment and field of work, retirement preparation may begin with setting a date, notifying one’s employer of that date, and negotiating retirement terms and conditions. The working spouse may have a patient or client base to refer, cases or projects to complete, successors to recruit, select, and train, and property, equipment, or business interests to convey, along with other end-of-employment tasks. Scheduling and pursuing those tasks gives impetus to the retirement decision and finality to the retirement date. The married couple may have their own property to sell, housing to swap, Social Security and Medicaid to start, supplemental health insurance to arrange, and other significant steps to take, depending on their retirement moves and plans. Initiating those steps can once again gather momentum toward the final date.
Partial
Many couples go through a brief or longer period of partial retirement. One could say that you’re either retired, or you’re not. Yet some spouses retire from a full-time, career job but promptly or soon take up part-time employment. The reasons may be financial, to delay the years when one must start Social Security or annuities so that they can continue to appreciate, or to delay invading and expending retirement funds. The reasons may instead be psychological and social, for the working spouse to have some structure and routine, and some purpose and fellowship outside the home. The spouse working part time may continue with the prior full-time employment, although doing so may make it hard to keep to part-time hours and may also frustrate the part-time worker who cannot do all the things they previously did when full time. Trying a completely different job that one always wanted to try, like driving a shuttle bus, giving museum tours, or staffing an information booth, may be an attractive alternative. If your retired spouse needs for a season to work part time outside the house, respect the subtle or obvious reasons. The season may not last as long as you initially think, and it may help smooth the transition into retirement.
Adjustment
Married couples differ in how quickly, easily, and completely they adjust together to retirement. The working spouse, just retired, may have significant challenges establishing new structure and routines to carry through the day. The structure and routines of work are gone. Something must replace them. The non-working spouse may also have significant challenges accommodating the formerly working spouse’s presence at home full time. The stronger and closer the marital relationship before retirement, the smoother the transition into retirement may be. Consider spending time just before retirement discussing potential issues, while affirming the need for sensitivity and patience on the part of both spouses. Preparing a new space at home for the formerly working spouse, such as a home office or workshop, or improving an already existing home office or shop, may give the formerly working spouse a clearer sense of identity and belonging, and more specific location for privacy and personal activity, at home. The same may be true for the spouse already at home, that some specification and improvement of private space may help maintain a sense of privacy, identity, and comfort. In the first few days and weeks of retirement, plan regular daily outings together, even if only to the same coffee shop or diner, or beach or park, to get you both out of the house and active together.
Enjoyment
Married couples enjoy retirement years in as many different ways as married couples enjoy other periods of their lives. Retirement has no precise pattern. Some retired couples travel, while others do not. Some move to destination locations, while others stay put. Some spend all their time on the golf course or boat, while others remain in and around the home. Some take up hobbies like carving or painting, while others do not. Some enjoy the outdoors, while others cuddle up inside with books. Some get heavily involved in charitable and community activities, while others isolate in a distant cabin in the woods. Some devote their lives to helping their adult children care for grandchildren, while others keep at a distance so as not to interfere. No one pattern is right for all or most couples. Your retirement years may look a lot like your working years, but for the work, or your retirement years may look completely different. The point is to support one another deeply and sensitively for as long as retirement lasts. Because if any one pattern exists, it is that retirement years will eventually turn to assisted living years and then last years in nursing care. Your commitment is to love and support your spouse throughout retirement and into the last stage of married life.
Reflection
Have you and your spouse discussed and planned retirement? Are you funding tax-advantaged retirement accounts? Are you maintaining your physical fitness and strength, with enjoying retirement years in mind? Are you keeping up on your medical and mental health, with retirement years in mind? What issues do you expect with your employer and employment when you share your retirement date and plans? What rearrangements of your home can you make to ensure that you and your spouse are comfortable in retirement together? What are your retirement plans, with respect to location, housing, and activities? Big changes, small changes, or no changes?
Key Points
For a married couple, retirement is a privilege, not a guarantee.
Retirement means voluntarily stopping work after funding retirement.
The misfortune of disability differs from the privilege of retirement.
Planning for retirement can hasten it and make it more enjoyable.
Fund tax-advantaged retirement accounts early to promote retirement.
Maintain your physical fitness especially later in life for retirement.
Maintain your medical and mental health to enjoy retirement.
Prepare for retirement with notice to your employer and home prep.
Part-time work after retirement may lend structure and activity.
Give one another time and show patience to adjust to retirement.
Enjoy your spouse and marriage during retirement years as best fits.